


Confessions

by oudkee



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Love Confessions, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 16:34:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20549264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oudkee/pseuds/oudkee
Summary: finally decided to stop playing solitaire for a few minutes and write something. this was it





	Confessions

Neelix was scheduled to go on an away mission to a new planet to help gather resources. The other crew members scheduled to go on the mission were his girlfriend, Kes, with whom his relationship had lately become rocky - and Tuvok, the Vulcan man who worked as a senior bridge officer aboard Voyager. He'd been through a lot with Tuvok lately, although he felt as though the Vulcan didn't particularly care for him, he'd secretly never felt deeper attraction towards anyone else in his whole life.

The three aliens descended upon the planetoid, sticking together as they gathered food and mineral resources to help keep Voyager going. The conversations were light, but there seemed to be a certain quiet tension in the air. Neelix found his attention drifting more and more to watching Tuvok survey the area, instead of focusing on picking ripe fruit specimens with Kes.

"That one doesn't look very good," Kes spoke, startling Neelix back to reality. "I thought the bulbs we picked needed to be more red. That one's almost completely white."  
"Oh... You're right. I just spaced out for a moment."  
Kes gave him a knowing look, before glancing up in Tuvok's direction. "You've been spacing out a lot lately. Is it because of him?"  
"Not at all! I just have a lot on my mind lately, is all."  
She sighed, just as Tuvok walked back to the group.

"Ensign Kim detected two ships en route to our location. Take what you've already gathered and get back to the shuttle. There's more vegetated planetoids in the surrounding systems."

The three of them boarded their survey shuttle and left orbit, though not before they were intercepted by two ships. Neither ship responded to Tuvok's hails, and both begun to open fire on the shuttle, chasing them the opposite direction from Voyager. The shields were knocked out and the shuttle had to make an emergency landing on a rocky desert planetoid, though the enemy ships did not pursue and instead retreated back towards the direction of the vegetated planet. 

"Scanners are showing that there is nothing on this planet that could be of use to us," Tuvok stated. "I've lost communication with Voyager, but long range sensors appear to show them tracking our signature. They should get here within the hour." He stood up from the conn, walking over to grab his tricorder and a few empty canteens. "This planetoid has little of use to us, but the caves do seem to contain limited quantities of water. It may be a good idea to fill extra canteens with water in the case of an emergency."

"I'll go with you," Neelix volunteered, standing up as well. "I've still got a bit of the jitters from those ships following us. I could benefit from a stroll!"  
Tuvok raised an eyebrow at this remark, looking puzzled. "It may be wise to stay here with Kes."  
"No, Neelix, you should go. I'm fine, I don't mind staying here and watching the sensors." Kes shifted position up to the conn. "I could use some rest anyway, the doctor had me up all night last night categorizing molecules."  
"If you two insist. Mr. Neelix, follow me."

The walk out to the caves was quiet, with nothing but the whistle of the wind through the nearby canyons to add ambiance to the scenario. The planet was cold, with gray rocks and gray sand, and a thin upper atmosphere making the sky dark. Tuvok lead and Neelix trailed behind ever so slightly, admiring the Vulcan man's tall figure and collected posture as he walked. He loved being alone with Tuvok, although nothing ever happened between the two of them, the idea of being alone with him was enough to give Neelix a rush. His mind began to wander - as it always did - first to little things, like receiving compliments in that Vulcan style of praise, to kissing, and eventually to far less appropriate thoughts, such as what being his lover was like...

They made their way to a lake inside one of the small caves. Tuvok walked around to the other side, scanning the water for any impurities or trace elements. He looked up to Neelix, about to speak something of the water, but closed his mouth and studied the Talaxian further.  
"Mr. Neelix, are you feeling unwell? Your face is incredibly flushed. Perhaps it was a bad idea for you to come along."  
"I-I'm fine!" Neelix stammered, feeling guilty for having thoughts like that about his friend. "I'm just a little fatigued. I didn't eat much this morning, you see."  
Tuvok raised his eyebrow again, saying nothing more on that particular matter. "The walls of this cavern seem to be unstable. We should finish collecting the water and exit as soon as we can."

Neelix nodded, filling up another canteen. Just as they stood up to leave the cave, the water shifted strangely.  
"I'm picking up seismic activity," Tuvok stated. "Hurry."  
They ran towards the exit, but not before it collapsed, leaving the two of them stuck in the cold cave with no way out. The Vulcan picked up his phaser and positioned a few blasts to try to clear the way, but more rocks only came down as a result. 

Neelix tried his combadge to get a hold of Kes, but the signal couldn't make it through. He sat down on the cold ground, beginning to shiver. "I didn't quite think I'd end up spending my afternoon like this," he chuckled. "There were no life forms anywhere on long range scanners. I never thought we would get attacked for taking a bit of food."  
"When you're a Starfleet officer, you have to learn to expect the unexpected." Tuvok responded. He turned around to look back at the Talaxian, huddled on the floor, knees to his chest. Walking voer to him, Tuvok took off his jacket, draping it over the shorter man's shoulders. Neelix looked up at him, a surprised expression on his face.  
"Thank you," he said, his voice nearly a whisper.  
"You're quite welcome," Tuvok responded.

Moments passed slowly, feeling like hours. Neelix attempted to break the silence, as was his nature.  
"Aren't you cold, too?"  
"I'd be lying if I said no, however, us Vulcans are able to tolerate the cold more than most humanoids are capable of."  
It was just the kind of answer Neelix expected, straight to the point. He sighed, leaning his head back against the wall of the cave. He had so many more questions that he would have rather asked, but couldn't bring himself to. He wanted nothing more than to just confess how he felt, no matter the response.  
"Tuvok, I..."  
"Yes?"

Neelix let out another sigh, this one more of a huff of frustration at himself. He stood up, taking Tuvok's jacket and bringing it back over to where he was sitting, handing it back over.  
"You are welcome to keep it on if you are still cold."  
"I am," Neelix quietly stated. "But there's something I need to say to you."  
"By all means."  
The Talaxian paced back over to where he was sitting, standing there for a moment and facing the wall, before finally turning around.  
"Tuvok, I'm in love with you."

An expression of almost-shock crossed Tuvok's face, the closest to any actual emotion Neelix had ever seen from him. Just then, the two of them heard phaser fire behind where the entrance had caved in, and moments later, Chakotay and Paris entered the cave, followed by Kes, who ran in to hug Neelix. He avoided eye contact with anyone, most of all Tuvok.

_________________________

All the senior officers held a meeting concerning the expedition, including what the away team had found and were able to report about the ships that attacked. Neelix said nothing the whole time, looking at no one. 

"It seems as though whatever species that was is trying to protect their planetoid," Janeway deduced. "Since we can't communicate with them peacefully, it may be a good idea to stay away from similar planetoids in this system."

After the briefing, Neelix made his way to the Mess Hall to prepare the crew's Friday night dinner buffet, using a few of the new ingredients he had picked up that morning. He put on his apron and got straight to work, washing vegetables, sautéing grubs, baking algae puffs. He started mixing up the ingredients for the Vulcan plomeek soup - his favourite dish to make - because it reminded him of Tuvok. He had just begun to chop the vegetables, a smile on his face as he thought about how Tuvok always described his preparation of the soup as simply being "adequate". He was preoccupied with wondering if Tuvok would bring up what was said in the cave, or even talk to him at all again, when Kes walked into the Mess Hall.

"Neelix, I... I think we need to have a talk."  
Neelix paused what he was doing, still facing away from her, but looking up from the vegetables he was carefully cutting.  
"I think so, too."  
"It's... It's clear we don't share the same feelings between the two of us anymore. And I-I know your thoughts are with... somebody else right now."  
Neelix whirled around to face the young Ocampan.  
"Kes, I-"  
"Neelix, it's _okay_. To be perfectly honest with you, I have feelings for someone else as well."  
"Oh...? Who might that be?"

Kes blushed, walking around to the other side of the counter, admiring the dishes Neelix had placed out for the upcoming buffet. "I can't tell you. I'm embarrassed to admit it, especially since it's... a woman."  
Neelix leaned in her direction, lowering his voice. "Sweeting, you should never feel embarrassed about having feelings for a woman. Any girl would consider herself lucky to be the object of your affections."  
She sighed, lowering her voice as well. "It's just that... On Ocampa, homosexual relationships weren't frowned upon, really, but..." She tearfully faced Neelix again. "Samantha Wildman is already married and has a baby."

His heart fell, coming to this realization. _Tuvok was already married with children, as well._ He quickly walked around the counter to bring Kes into his arms.  
"Shh... Kes, don't cry. There's nothing wrong with feeling this way for someone you can't have."  
The girl's shoulders shook as she sobbed quietly in his arms. He looked away, knowing he was feeling the same pain she carried in her heart.

_________________________

The days turned into weeks, with Tuvok saying nothing to Neelix and the latter choosing to avoid the former as much as he could outside of senior crew meetings. Neelix even went so far as to spend time in Sick Bay with the Doctor and Kes whenever Tuvok was taking his meal in the Mess Hall. The Doctor was always pleased as punch whenever Neelix came into Sick Bay for a "visit".

"Ah! Mr. Neelix. I suppose Tuvok is having lunch, hmm?"  
Neelix blushed, noticing Paris was in the room as well, receiving an inoculation against a common virus on the planet he was about to survey.  
"Not to butt in, but what does Tuvok have to do with Neelix being up here?"  
Kes interrupted, trying to diffuse the situation, shooting a warning look at the Doctor. "It's nothing but a little inside joke between myself, Neelix, and the Doctor." She gave a worried look to Neelix, who mouthed the words "Thank you."

"Hm. I've noticed something was up between the two of you ever since we got you guys out of that cave. I asked Tuvok about it, but he just said he 'didn't want to talk about it'." Paris walked up to Neelix, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You sure there's nothing going on? Did you guys have a fight or something?"  
"No! Not at all," Neelix blurted out, wishing the tall human would just shut up and waltz off to his shuttle. "If there was something wrong we'd talk it out, he and I."  
"Okay, well if you need backup, you know where to find me."

After Paris finally left, Neelix sighed and closed his eyes. "I do need to confront Tuvok about what I said, but... easier said than done."  
The Doctor gave him a empathetic look, before resuming his work on assembling hyposprays. Kes walked over to Neelix, keeping her voice low.  
"Would you like me to arrange a meeting between you two? After my meditation with him today, I can ask if you two can meet in private to talk things out."  
"...Thank you, Kes. That would help me out. I'm so nervous, I can't ask him something like that out in the open."  
Kes smiled, walking back over to help the Doctor, as Neelix turned to leave.  
"Oh, and Neelix..."  
"Yes?"  
The Ocampan girl blushed, staring off into space for a moment. "I confessed to Samantha after you told me about your confession to Tuvok. She said we can start to be closer friends and see if anything comes of that first, but... She kissed me, too."  
Neelix grinned, beaming with happiness for his friend. "I really hope things work out for you, sweeting."

_________________________

Tuvok agreed to Kes's idea of meeting with Neelix, and waited for him. Neelix stood outside the Vulcan's quarters, working up the courage to ring the chime. He knew as soon as he'd ring the chime and came in, he'd forget what to say, but if he thought too hard about what to say, he'd never ring the chime...

Suddenly, the door opened, and there stood Tuvok.  
"...Mr. Neelix. I didn't realize you were already here. Please, enter."  
Neelix hesitantly stepped inside, already having forgotten what to say. Tuvok paced back over and sat back down to his game of kal-toh. Neither party knew how to initiate conversation with each other, and tension filled the room. Neelix stiffly walked over to the table, and took a seat across from the Vulcan.

"You truly have... romantic feelings for me." Tuvok said, in that familiar tone that always made a question sound more like a statement. "You know that I am married."  
"O-Of course I know that," stuttered Neelix. "I've been hiding my feelings from you for so long, I guess they just kind of... came out."  
"To tell you the truth, Mr. Neelix..." Tuvok trailed off for a moment, studying the Talaxian before him.  
"I find myself thinking about you more often than I'd care to admit."  
Neelix blushed, wanting to look away to hide his expression of embarrassment. Tuvok could surely hear his heart pounding in his chest. _He thinks about me?_

Tuvok stood up from his game, and walked over to the windows of his quarters, gazing out at the stars. Neelix admired the way he stood up so straight, hands behind his back, studying the stars so intently, as if trying to find something in them that no one else could see.

Neelix stood up and walked over to stand next to him.  
"I love you, Tuvok. I-I really don't know what else to say." He looked down at the floor. "I've never felt this way for anyone else, even Kes, as much as I loved her. I really don't know what to do about how I feel, I guess... I guess that's why I must always come off as annoying and pushy to you."

"Annoying, maybe." Tuvok agreed. "But pushy... if so, I anticipate and even somewhat enjoy it. You make good company, and this ship... My life... would never be the same if you were not in it." He turned to face the Talaxian.

Perhaps I do even feel... an affection towards you," the Vulcan stated, in a softer voice than his usual tone. "There is a chance I will not see my family on Vulcan again. It would even be... logical, to spend my time with someone important to me."

Tuvok reached for his spotted hands, interlocking his fingers with the Talaxian's, and leaned in to press his lips to Neelix's.


End file.
